Artwork by Jonathan McCubbin, age 10

I was raised by an artist.   In the 70’s my Mom cut hair at a salon that also taught belly-dancing.  Nonetheless, she was an artist of hair.  Later, she became a nationally recognized Interior Designer.   Later still, a more conventional artist, with oil paints and a canvas.

My house, growing up, was always changing.  One day we had French doors that were white; the next day we had something else.

As a kid, I remember going to visit her at Ethan Allen, where she worked earlier in her career,  and playing on the carpet samples for hours and hours.

Roles shifted, and as a young adult and fledgling entrepreneur myself, I convinced her to go into her own business www.janicemccubbin.com. This scared the crap out of her; yet further developed both her art and the quality of her client base.

I was also raised by a financial planner.   My Father worked for Smith Barney as a financial planner; specializing in options.  Puts and Calls.  He taught me about money.  How money is a tool.  It can be leveraged.  It can be dangerous.  It can be rewarding.   And It should be respected.

They both spoke to me for hours on end about their careers.  When I was lucky I would get to meet their clients.   Both of them served the wealthy.  The VERY wealthy.

And I was a sponge.  I learned.

Could I sum up my Mom or Dad’s career in one sentence??   ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

That would be both offensive and presumptuous.

BUT… I can tell you one of the most important lessons I learned from these amazing people.

– and here it is –

Money is a tool; it has no soul. – But it can be made to dance, and sing.  It can be leveraged to create.  It can serve a purpose beyond itself.  It can feed people.  It can provide blankets to the homeless.  It can create a bridge for laughter. Love. Light.  But it does exist.  And it must be respected.

Art is expressive; it has soul. – But it can be made into a blunt object of force.  Words, paint, music, religion, expression.  It can be leveraged for power….and abused.  It seems innocuous.  But its beauty has both beauty AND a razor sharp edge.  It can create a bridge for laughter. Love. Light.  And it does exist.  And it must be respected.

Power can exist over people in many ways.   Their strength, and protection, is in realization of this truth.

P.S. The artwork featured in this blog is from my 10 year old son, Jonathan.

Category A - These people bust ass. They work virtually all hours; from home, via Blackberry, on weekends. Whenever needed. They expand their skills and their job role to encompass what the employer needs at that moment, not necessarily for the employer… but for their selfish desire to move ahead AND their personal desire to scratch that internal itch called Pride. They do this happily, without warning, forethought, or demand.

These folks never need to be asked to do X, Y, Z… Oftentimes, they even require training on focus and slowing down. Balance is achieved through personal productivity.

They are team players; helping and not begrudging their time invested in others. They don’t let family or personal concerns block their career efficacy; using their personal life as a motivation and not a road-block.

Their work is an investment… In themselves and in their career.

They are the crab seeking ever to climb out of the bucket. Not because the bucket is horrible, but because they are excited about what lies beyond the edges of their current limitations.

{Notes in these little squiggly parentheses things are for owners of start-ups: Cat A employees are RARE… hold onto them for dear life!!! Your organization will succeed solely based on these people…. the rest are the flotsam and jetsam of business ownership}

Category B – These people are the “Worker Bees” of an organization. They work, they stretch, they are predictable, manageable, pleasant, reasonably happy. They are awesome!!!! They love tasks and excel at achieving laid out objectives. They never purposely miss, and always enjoy their job from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. on the dot. When they get home to their well organized life, they are well intentioned and good parents, siblings, and spouses. This person represents the foundation of our society… predictability and accountability. They were taught this by their excellent parents and they do not waver. God Bless America. God Bless Category B. So many systems would not exist without them. I had a friend who was an executive in a $7 billion water treatment company. I asked her; ‘how the heck do you manage 7,000 + people?’… and she said: ‘This place is a cult of process.’ Cat B’s love process because it keeps them from having to make decisions.

{For owners of start-ups: quit reading this, it is in tiny little text so you will ignore it; these are not the droids you are looking for; move along: Cat B employees are awesome. They work hard and make the true foundation of your company. You must be loyal to them; as they are to you. That’s what they want; someone to watch their back. Love these people.}

Category C – For whatever reason, at this point in time in their life; this person is unaccountable, unpredictable, sometimes lazy, irresponsible, and unmanageable. They are horrid employees, and whether personable or not…they cost the organization money and create strife and challenges for all.

{For owners of start-ups: if you could put this person’s head on a stake and parade around with it for a while, then leave it out publicly at the reception desk with maggots eating their eyeballs out… it would still not motivate the other Category Cs to be more personally accountable.}

And that’s that…. You are either A, B, or C!!

Woooaaaahhh Tonto. Not so fast. If it were that easy, then hiring and firing would be a piece of cake.

It isn’t.

You see…there is Category D.

Category D – This is the most difficult and troubling of categories. They look like a Cat A, smell and behave sometimes like a Cat B, maybe even promote themselves as a Cat C… but they are really a Cat D. This would be the work-world equivalent of a psychopath. Someone with something to hide, no remorse, and a willingness to manipulate others to get what they want out of a situation…with no regard for feelings, impact, emotions, economics, or even their own careers. They have good degrees sometimes. Great resumes sometimes. Even good referrals sometimes. Because they have manipulated or master-minded past employers, friends, co-workers and family to represent whatever is needed to move their agenda ahead. Which is the core problem. Their agenda is not success for themselves, which makes good common sense and is predictable, their agenda is justification for their personal lack of success:

• “See…I tried.”
• “It’s not my fault.”
• “Yeah…but…”

These are mottos emblazoned on their forehead / resumes / backgrounds, as sure as the tattoo on their bicep or the ‘tramp-stamp’ on their back (not that there is anything wrong with the occasional tramp-stamp). They are not bad people…. they just do not know how to accept personal responsibility for their own failures; so their entire life and career is spent self justifying.

They kill organizations, because they are believable.

They kill morale.

Large to midsized companies thrive on Cat B and Cat C employees, but Cat A does not work because they tend to buck ‘process.’ A Cat A in a large or midsized company is persistently unhappy.

Cat A belongs in small growth companies.

Ultimately, Cat B doesn’t work very well in small growth companies.

And Cat C doesn’t work anywhere…but survives in large companies. Usually the government. Ever been to the post office? (Side note: my solution to tons of problems; i.e. global warming, deforestation, budgetary deficit, etc….deliver mail once a week).

Cat D is really troubling.

You must learn to spot them fast. They leave signs.

• They jump ship approximately every 18 months.
• They switch careers approximately every five years.
• They have an excuse for everything.
• Their excuse is believable….and they are often quite charming.
• They have poor personal finance management.
• They have limited long term personal relationships.
• They have a tendency to plagiarize without giving appropriate recognition to the source.
• They do NOT like to be the subtle or quiet one, yet they do not like being responsible for results either.
• They are often audacious.
• They shine attention on non-productive aspects of their daily efforts.
• They ALWAYS leave a trail of dead bodies.
• Always.

{For owners of start-ups: these people will absolutely KILL everything you are doing. Slowly, painfully, expensively. These people are cock roaches. They breed, they are difficult to kill, they keep seemingly coming back to life, and they just don’t fucking die!! Die you asshole die!!! aahhhhhhhh…. Uh. Sorry. Flashbacks.}

As an entrepreneur…I’ve learned to find, train, motivate, support, appreciate, recognize, and enjoy Cat A.

I have also learned to do the same for Cat B. They provide comfort; just don’t forget the Jack Welch motto of replacing the bottom 10%.

I’ve learned to terminate Cat C.

I’ve lost a fortune to Cat D.

Gotta watch them…like a Zombie infestation…they tend to spread.

Ps – You can identify Category A and B employees because they value their work experience and their learning opportunities higher than their short-term pay. They value career goodwill. They research the organization before coming to work, and they are concerned about what YOU think of them…not kiss-asses, but they have Pride that they wish to secure through Effort and Productivity.

Now… I’m not trying to get all engineering on you here. But it is really this simple; I was a very small kid…super short. Even as an adult, I stand now about 5′5″ and a half (and a HALF damn it). So… I had to learn how to make things work for me when nature simply had not/did not/would not/wasn’t planning on providing. Same principle that causes many fat people to be funny (see: John Candy, John Belushi, Chris Farley, Jack Black, etc, etc, etc). Anyway… fact is, you gotta figure another way to get what you want if the standard apparatus doesn’t achieve the goals.

I sat down, at about nineteen, and started writing down my goals…and quickly figured out I did not have the time of the day, nor the patience, and maybe not the intellect or skill-set to achieve these things myself. So I needed to find me an army to help accomplish these goals.

Without belaboring the point, and skipping forward about ten years, I discovered that to motivate the army, you need to help them focus on THEIR goals. Often times, you need to be the task master they themselves refuse to be to and for themselves.

So… I harnessed the electrical power of human beings. Just like the robots in the Matrix. Entrepreneurs call these human beings “employees.”

Whew! Long explanation for why I wanted to hire these folks. Because very quickly I found out, “Holy Crap… these people are nuts!!”

For the next ten years, I began subconsciously and consciously crafting a system to categorize prospective employees. I figured out they ALL interview well. I did cognitive testing, Top Grading, IQ tests, sniff tests, drinking tests, Mary Shelly tests, Freudian tests, asked a million questions and more. Still don’t know the answer to figuring out what the best prospective employee is, and anyone who says they do…is lying through their gold-plated Google-logo emblazoned teeth.

BUT !!!!!

I did figure out a way for THEM to tell themselves apart.

A way in which the prospective employee can be honest with themselves about what their long-term likelihood of success is within certain organizations AND a way for them to choose what kind of employer they should seek.

It’s really quite simple. Although there are two facets to this, and I only have the time to share one of those facets today…but it starts by getting clues from the animal kingdom.

In nature, there are all types of animals, bugs, and amazing creatures. I am going to focus on a few that people often find interesting:

1. The Plover Bird – The Plover Bird is that cute little bird we have all seen pictures of that cleans the crocodile’s teeth. This is generally considered a SYMBIOTIC relationship. Croc gets his teeth cleaned, bird gets a meal.
2. The Cestoda – The infamous Tapeworm. Grows and grows and grows…until you have a bowel movement of a twelve foot circular headed monster. Yuck! and scary !
3. The Remora – The little fish that attaches to the shark, eating left-over tidbits that are too small to interest the host.
4. The Crocodile or Shark – Depending on the venue, generally considered the top of the food chain…until guns were invented.

See, we have SYMBIOTIC relationships in nature…and PARASITIC.

…and so this is how it works:

The entrepreneur or owner or corporation is the shark, or crocodile. A badass meat eating (in my case: 5′5″ Lord Farquaadian-Freudian-Machiavellian-sometimes-angry-little-F’er) that likes to kill and eat. ‘Nuff said.

Some people are SYMBIOTIC… they help. They benefit the Shark/Crocodile and they benefit themselves. They contribute to the overall good of the teeny-little eco system.

Some people are PARASITIC…. they pretend to help (“Look Ma I am losing weight no matter what I eat!”), but in reality parasites suck needed resources from the overall system.

And so kiddos – what we learn from nature is that you should either be SYMBIOTIC or PARASITIC or the CROCODILE.

End of story. Night night. Let’s go to bed.

Wait…

Hang on….

Seems I made a mistake. See, uh, um, Plover Birds do NOT actually exist, or rather, they have NEVER ONCE been identified or captured on camera actually cleaning a crocodile’s mouth. Click here for proof. Remoras actually provide zero value to the shark. They don’t hurt it, but they don’t help it at all. See here for proof. Tapeworms do suck, literally, the nutrients from your body and should be blasted out (no pun intended).

In fact, if a crocodile / shark gets a hold of a Remora or Plover while hungry… CHOMP. It’s dead, filling the crocodile / shark’s body with nourishment because they are not TRULY symbiotic, or the value provided is not outweighted by the hunger the crocodile feels at that moment….they are dispensable.  Situations change, and sometimes, when they do…the relationship the plover has with the croc may not be as valuable as the nourishment needed at that moment.

SHIT!! This was a pretty story before that message was laid out… even fit with all the things I was taught in kindergarten (NO…you did NOT learn everything you needed to know in Kindergarten).

HERE IS REALITY KIDDOS….

• We are human beings.
• We don’t behave like animals.
• We can control our mouth to NOT chomp on and eat the cute little bird.
• We can go hunt and kill our own food.
• We can brush our own teeth.
• We can even evolve from the Remora into the Shark.
• We must always be aware of the nourishment the croc needs to survive.
• We can choose not to be parasitic-blood-sucking-worms-looking-to-score-a-free-ride-from-on-the-back-of-the-frog.

— and THIS is what I have learned about human nature over the years —

There is a story, misappropriated to Aesop, that goes like this:

A scorpion asks a frog to carry him across a river. The frog is afraid of being stung, but the scorpion reassures him that if it stung the frog, the frog would sink and the scorpion would drown as well. The frog then agrees; nevertheless, in mid-river, the scorpion stings him, dooming the two of them. When asked why, the scorpion explains, “I’m a scorpion; it’s my nature.”

We are NOT scorpions and frogs. We do NOT have to bend to some pre-assigned nature. We do NOT need AA’s twelve steps, or Adderall, or Buddha/Allah/Jesus/Rebellion/Beelzebub to be responsible for our actions.

OUR ACTIONS ARE ENTIRELY WITHIN OUR OWN CONTROL… WE MUST SIMPLY CHOOSE TO CONTROL THEM.

Some people DO and some people DO NOT. It is YOUR choice and not the crocodile’s. 

And that is how the croc determines when to snap it’s mouth shut…hunger.  The bird that is focused only on cleaning teeth, and not at least being aware of the crocs last meal…becomes the meal instead.

Or the bird could even dart around and find a lame deer, or decaying water buffalo, or choice piece of delicious steak… and evolve into the crocs ‘eye in the sky’??

That is the part of the story we will tell in the next post Amigos.  See, from the croc’s perspective, the SYMBIOTIC relationship must continually evolve; and one can see this more in corporate America during a recession than at any other time.  Citigroup laid off 50,000 people; that’s 50,000 un-evolved Remoras and Plovers.  Circuit City failed and laid off 6,000; that’s Remoras, Plovers, and apparently a few Tapeworms (probably the Investment Bankers). 

What you have to do is DECIDE… and then live the fate that awaits you. In the immortal words of The Terminator’s John Conner, “No fate, but what we make for ourselves.”

Final words of advice: If you are a parasite, go work for a really big company or the government. If you think you are a Remora or a Plover: you probably still need to evolve, and you may be at risk of getting eaten if the croc gets really, really hungry. If you are a crocodile or shark, willing to seek nourishment for survival, and potentially be ostracized for your unusual antics (eating little birds and such); they call that entrepreneurism. If you are DESIRING to be a CROCODILE or a constantly evolving nourishment facilitating PLOVER; and you have skills that can benefit the croc and contribute to the overall nourishment of the ecosystem… well my friend, you might be a damn good addition to the crocodile or shark’s staff!!

BTW – entrepreneurs in small companies are sometimes bullish in nature, yet a small organization is always the quickest way to excel and successfully have your greatness identified. It is also the quickest place to identify a parasite, a remora, or a plover. Not even the mighty tapeworm can thrive inside a crocodiles stomach and intestines. Crocodiles have a really strong fortitude. They are survivors.

Snap ! Burp !

I will admit it’s nice to be able to just gab, blab, and blubber in someone else’s paid and professional care. Men who habitually pay for female companionship know exactly what I am talking about…a lesser known skill taught at pole-dancing school is listening to the client B&M (Bitch & Moan) about their often self-perpetuated self-abuse.

That said – let me sum up professional therapy, and the Champagne Room counseling session, and save you thousands or even tens of thousands of Benjamins:

1) Your parents, God bless-em, are probably f-ups in one way or another. – They learned from their parents, who learned from their parents, who learned from their parents, etc., etc., etc. Vicious Cycle of Parental Incompetence. No qualifications for having a baby required, or rearing that poor little sod. Even these people can do it…

2) So are you. – Yep, Sport, sorry to tell you… but there is a VERY high likelihood you are not half as perfect as you think you might be right now. No matter what your aforementioned Mommy told you. Guess what? It’s OK. Whether you’re shaving your head in denial like Britney, or making crap movies like Ashton, or nationalizing all of a previously glorious and free country like Obama…. you are likely making mistakes. That’s OK.

3) Get over it. – Yep… it is that simple. Get Over It. This Too Shall Pass. You will recover from your mistakes most likely and move on as a wiser, braver, older, slightly more scarred human being. They call that ‘certain look of knowledge and experience’ … WISDOM. As I get older, I now realize why so many old people know so much and yet are so reticent to share, expressing their knowledge through cynicism and cantankerous behavior… b/c sometimes the pain of gaining wisdom is…well…painful.

4) Do you need a scrip ? (for… alcohol, cocaine, pot, Ritalin, overt sexuality, no sexuality, obsessive behavior, Tourette’s syndrome, work-a-holism, Blackberry addiction, gambling, depression, anger, or only having 16 sides on your 20-sided die (obscure Dungeons & Dragons reference for the Gary Gygax fans) … I’m sorry. Blame it on your Mom. Or Dad. Or Uncle. These are all just ways to cope.

So…hire that Pole Dancer, or therapist; cry like a  baby if need be. And then Get Over It.

That’s the bottom-line.

We’ve all got personal problems. Every single imperfect one of us.

Leadership Lesson Hidden Behind this Bizarre Message about Pole Dancers and Therapists and Prescription Drugs:

• Don’t get caught up in your problems.
• Don’t get caught up in other people’s problems.
• Leave your bullshit at the door (as best you can).
• And be a “real” human being to those who can’t.

B/c leadership is a lot like Fatherhood – Under appreciated. Always needed. 

Love the people who make up your Tribe.

Because being a Leader sometimes means you might have to lend a shoulder for someone to cry upon… b/c they are human. So are you.

And that is A-OK. Sometimes as a Leader, you DO have to be more than a Boss. It doesn’t make you any less of a Leader.

And it doesn’t make them any less of an employee, friend, or pole dancer.

Peace Out.

PS – As a Leader, it is generally best if you seek your therapy through professional sources and avoid blubbering on the shoulder’s of your fellow Tribal Passionistas (i.e. your staff).

In the last ten days, I’ve taken on the job roles previously assigned to four people (including me). When you have an almost insurmountable amount of work in front of you, you get very good at making decisions and delegating.

Making decisions – this is crucial for leadership. Most people are scared to make decisions, captured by the fear of risk. What if…? And their mind fills in fears, the weight of the decision looms- even grows- and they then use some personalized delay tactic.

Thing is… Leaders lead. If the journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step, then we see that nowhere more exemplified in the ability to make decisions.

I have some underlying rules, related to my own behavior, that I almost religiously follow when faced with decisions (weighing the risks of two partial unknowns)… to the extent that they are habitual.

1. The economic impact on the variance from “perfect” to “good” is usually very small. The cost of a delay can be much more expensive than the added value of perfection. As Guy Kawasaki says, “Don’t Worry, Be Crappy.” Followed of course by “Churn, baby, churn.”

2. Time, truly, has a monetary equivalent (i.e. time is money). This value of Time varies depending on whose time is in question. Note: All animals are created equal, but some animals are more equal than others… delegate down.

3) My intuition is subconsciously running the math, smelling the air, adjusting for the wind… and is usually correct. Give extra credence to my first response.

4. The possible negative emotional impact of a decision grows exponentially as it is delayed. Problems grow as they are delayed… they don’t go away.

5. Life is a series of decisions. Since I am not J.C. (or any reasonable facsimile)… it is ok to make mistakes. I insist on learning from them, and I expect and even welcome them with a somewhat odd optimism. Forgive yourself.

6. Circumstances weigh heavily on what determines the “right” or “wrong” decision. Sticking with stoic rules or processes – or maybe even ethics – can cause wrong decisions. Weigh situations freely.

7.I must beware the reality that my own selfish interests oftentimes cloud my judgment. Therefore, if it benefits me personally, I give the decision a little more scrutiny.

Holy crap Batman… What does all that mean?

Simple. Trust your instincts. Accept “good enough.” Rush to decide. Forgive yourself, and forgive others if you delegate. Respect the value of your time. Learn from mistakes.

Leaders make decisions.

Oh yeah… one more -

8. Respect and tap into the power of optimism. You would be amazed how hard you work to prove yourself “right.”

That said; let’s start at the end.  About six months ago, I decided it was time to evolve my business.  I had seen many entrepreneurs who had grown their business to the stage that they were able to “retire” to a beautiful yacht or a new philanthropic venture, or even their own foibles and personal addictions… and I wanted the same.  Not to pull out, but to pull UP… to evolve my role from 60-70-80 hr a week entrepreneur, business development, operations, finance, and sales guy – to that of an owner with a successful business, equally successful executives and peers, and new more worldly-focused efforts.  Maybe I was bored.  Maybe I was tired.  Maybe I was stupid.  Who knows. Nonetheless, I sat down with my key executive team after getting a series of conflicting emails that said: help, be here more, don’t be here so much, we need you, we don’t need you, and even more angst ridden emails and calls for something they needed or wanted from me: more freedom, more executive authority, more clear direction, transparency, more, more, more.

So I decided to try and pull my daily operational decision-making back a few steps, give the management team more authority, and evolve my business and my personal life… functionally separating a little bit from the business; or at least trying to fly above the trees (which for a small business owner often resemble the trees in the Wizard of Oz: apples in hand, snarls on faces).  I told them that my goal was to eventually resign from day-to-day operations, and that they needed to step up and run the business in full.  I gave them parameters for their authority, and told them that this was their chance to evolve their careers from managers to executives.  I will fast forward to the outcome (because the middle portion is irrelevant), and I will say quite simply… my retirement / resignation of my day-to-day decision-making duties didn’t work.  Apparently, I had failed to convey the necessary information and skills to the folks to whom I was gifting much of my authority.  That’s my failure; plain and simple.  The leader is responsible to lead, to train, to inspect, and to pass on the appropriate skills.  Any failure in the organization; in process, people, or adopted technology, is a failure of the leader.

Recently, I have embraced the need to re-engage as the CEO.  The lesson herein is an entrepreneurial lesson, that I was not only forced to learn, but compelled to take actions to resolve, for the betterment of the company and the supported employees, vendors, shareholders, and customers.

The lesson learned was simple.  Entrepreneurs work themselves to death because they LOVE their business (or what they perceive they are receiving from their business).  This love of business; of the game, the fight, the constant learning opportunity, compels them to hold back on giving people the necessary freedoms, and education, and opportunities to grow professionally.  Many entrepreneurs hold this information, this wisdom, inside…waiting for someone with a stronger force of will to come along and TAKE it from them.  Or maybe they are simply perfectionists with an unwillingness to give the freedom of failure (i.e. the freedom to take risks) to their staff.  Regardless, the lesson I learned was simple… I had failed my management staff.  Rather than preparing them for success; I had simply given them a problem they were not capable, or empowered, or maybe even hungry enough to resolve.  They had fears.  They had goals.  They had personal lives.  They even had stated ambitions.  What they did not have was the intellectual or emotional empowerment to succeed at the role I was forcing onto them.

And I made the mistake of assuming that I could dictate the timing and intensity of their own leadership evolution.  I wanted it on my time frame, and then I let them live or die based upon their own strengths.  Which was ultimately a selfish decision on my end.  Now, maybe this was Freudian (i.e. maybe I internally desired this outcome)?  Who knows. The net effect though was this: six months later, it was apparent I had to step back into a clear leadership and operating role.  Not because things were “failing,” but because the insidious disease of mediocrity had set into the work place and was rapidly and like a virus, infecting the entire staff, our work product, and our bottom-line.  Ultimately, the staff and management team interpreted my absence as not caring…and they simply followed suit. Showing up physically; but in many cases, not mentally and emotionally.

So… today, with this post, I announce my posthumous retirement.

Crap.  That didn’t last long.

OK. I am back. STEP ONE, I have decided, is leadership development within my staff, because I still secretly desire to tell my boss to Take This Job and Shove It!  These blog posts being the first of many efforts I am under-taking for everyone’s long-term benefit.  I intend to post them approximately weekly, until I run out of steam on this particular subject or at least until something really shiny shows up in my peripheral vision.

My intent is to contribute to the knowledge that every single employee has here at Pop Labs, on how to be a better, more successful employee, manager, leader, maybe even a future entrepreneur. Helping them develop and evolve… and maybe helping them avoid some of my “messy” mistakes.

Why? Because beyond “fiduciary responsibility,” beyond ego, beyond desires and even mutual dependence…. I care about the outcome. To them. To my investors. To my friends, my family, and my employees (past, present, and future).

And for me….. because I want to get back to that idea of  “retirement” someday, or at least evolve myself into a new role.  You know, write a book, slow down, adopt fifteen kids from Zimbabwe, whatever

So… here’s to Zimbabwe… and you… and me !

Rock and Roll !

Buckle Up.

10). Don’t think about your future…live for today only. Don’t plan. Don’t cogitate. Don’t worry be happy. If spending every penny you make, and some you haven’t yet made, makes you happy…do it. If quitting college makes you happy…do it. If doing a lot of drugs and partying every single day makes you happy…do it. If you plan for the future, you might be disappointed. Don’t be disappointed…don’t plan. Instead, live for today! You might be dead tomorrow, so why bother.

9) Take no risks professionally or personally. Risks are stupid. Risk takers are stupid. Think about them all: Amelia Earhart, Howard Hughes, Donald Trump, Oprah. Shoot…if you take risks, you could end up dead, crazy, with really bad hair, or have a PR nightmare from your most recent $50 million donation. Who wants that mess? It is much easier to sit on your ideas forever, to play-it-safe, and to ride out mediocrity. If it’s good enough for the unnamed and unknown masses of humanity…it’s good enough for you. Grab another beer and bag of chips€¦life is waiting. It can wait.

Let other people make all your decisions. Stay safe…avoid ever being accused of being decisive. It is always the decisive guy that gets axed first in the movies…witness Samuel L Jackson’s character in Deep Blue Sea. You don’t want to be that guy do you? Crunch!! No way!! Sit back and let some other lime-light grabbing jerkwad lead the troops and paint his face blue…it’s much safer to be the schlep following all their decisions. Do you want to live forever?? Yes!!! Leaders die gruesome horrible deaths.

7) Never, ever read. Reading is over rated. If the subject matter was important, they would have taught it to you in Junior College. Besides, life isn’t fun or challenging when you are smart and well equipped for the variety of challenges life has a habit of throwing at you…it is much more fun to go into the unknown wearing only your underwear. Real men don’t read. Reading is a pansy sport. They read a lot in France.

6) Never accept responsibility. Deny fault, even when you look like a stupid a-hole. You will recover from being a stupid a-hole, but they will never recover from properly assigning blame and responsibility on the irresponsible (i.e. you).

5) The world revolves around you. Keep telling yourself that, it will come true someday. If it doesn’t come true by the time you are old and decrepit, buy some ruby red slippers and tap them together while reciting “It’s all about me, it’s all about me.” You will eventually get back to Kansas Dorothy, or at least your Mom and Dad’s home in Topeka.

4) Join a religious or tree-huggers group that backs up your moral conviction that money is bad. You’ll feel better about being a broke, lazy, stupid, schmuck when you are chaining yourself to a tree or sitting astride your valiant steed Ego, your moral high horse, with your trusted friend Judgment by your side. In fact, if you can tell people that you are following “the will of God”, or helping the green movement shoot.you can justify almost anything. What’s a little laziness, bias, castigation, or abuse of others compared to what other people do in the name of religion and eco-terrorism. I bet God invented potato chips and beer. If not, you know you saved a cow when you bought that Naugahyde couch you can sit and eat your organic chips and drink your micro-brewed beer on who wants real leather anyway.

3) Look for a job with a massive company, ideally the government, where you can hide safely amidst the masses and nobody in management will ever see your complete lack of efficiency and productivity. This is crucial. Good benefits and “job security” come with big companies. Just ask anyone who worked for Enron, Dynegy, Arthur Anderson, Eastern Airlines, or WorldCom. Let some nameless boob control your retirement account and your economic future. He will absolutely take care of you and put your interests first, employee number 32,789, he promises.

2) Never ever learn from the mistakes you make, or the mistakes of others. That would require asking yourself hard questions and accepting responsibility, or humbling yourself to learn from other who may have experienced similar life and business issues to those you are currently exposed. Screw that. Humble pie doesn’t taste good. Instead, just keep making the same dumb mistakes over and over and over. Never change your formula. It worked for Thomas Edison…remember, he tried to invent the light bulb 10,000 times. I’m sure he never changed his test. It just worked one day because he bent the rules of nature to his needs. Persistence. Over and over, never change, but expect different results. Learn from Thomas Edison. 10,000 tests…then whammo…it magically worked.

1) Don’t work hard. Laziness is the secret. You’ve heard the saying about being a duck, calm on the surface but paddling furiously under-water? Screw that. Ducks are lazy. They float around all day, and sleep, and wait for kids to feed them bread crumbs. Be the duck. Float. Don’t even paddle…shoot…who knows where you would end up if you did that! Float down life’s river. Eat the bread crumbs thrown by others in your slovenly direction…because bread crumbs from little booger-picking kid’s hands are much better than fois-gras. Who wants fake grass anyway? Ducks eat real grass. Ducks have it made.

Ps – Don’t be the lead duck. The wind hurts his face when he’s flying. It is way better to be the duck in the rear. Yeah, the view never changes, but it’s better to have your duck bill up someone’s back-side than to be buffeted by the cold, harsh, winds of taking on what lies ahead. Duck-holes are warm; who wants cold duck lips?

So there you go. Follow this sage advice and you will succeed mightily at being unsuccessful. You have to be good at something maybe you have finally found your calling!

1. Develop a personal brand.
2. Learn the language of early stage finance.
3. Determine the viability and demand for your product or service.
4. Sell, sell, sell.
5. Recruiting, partnering, outsourcing, and hiring away your weaknesses.
6. Support your sales efforts with marketing & branding.
7. Learn how to manage others…and yourself.
8. Balancing cash flow in daily operations.
9. Why are you doing this and what is the exit? - You should have your goals outlined LONG before you get started. Granted, life changes and sometimes your goals, needs and desires change as well….but the lack of a goal will likely cause you to wander in the desert for 40 yrs and get a really bad sunburn. What motivates you? Money, your ego, a desire to survive / thrive / grow, to prove yourself, control…what? Define this and you will have a much more clear vision for what actions you should take and when you should take them. Last comment here; you should study how, when and why an “exit” is likely to occur and how, when and why you will pursue this type of event, or if you should simply build your business for lifestyle opportunities.
10. The end is the beginning - Finalizing the list is the simple idea that your business is NOT your child, it is NOT your spouse and it is NOT your sense of self. Learn to see your business as a fantastic and fun ride, a great learning opportunity, a financial vehicle for you, your employees, investors and vendors, and simply stated…the business is owned BY you…it should not OWN you. Someday, the business might go away (through acquisition, failure, or simply winding it down). What will you do next? Will you do it again? What have you learned and become through this phenomenal and gut wrenching thrill-ride? Are you better, did you make the lives of other’s better, are you smarter, wiser and hopefully broader in your resources and mental bandwidth than before? While you may well build the next Koch Industries and find the next Anna Nicole….or you might have to start over. Make sure you learn from every experience, manage your personal finances and lifestyle, try and strive for some balance in your affairs, and work towards your goals daily.

Rock and roll !!!!

1. Develop a personal brand,
2. Learn the language of early stage finance,
3. Invent a bionic product or service,
4. The five W’s (and one H) of sales,
5. Recruiting away your weaknesses – We all have strengths and weaknesses; not everyone is as perfect as Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton. However, we don’t have to wallow in our own filth just because we lack the genius of Sergei Brin or the fluid sales skills of Bill Clinton…we can simply hire, recruit or partner away our problems!! This starts with recognizing your limitations, understanding the basic roles that every company requires (even startups), and then being a strong enough person to realize that strength comes from resolving problems and not by ignoring them or pretending these weaknesses do not exist. If you can’t sell…you can’t sell. If you stink at finances…admit it and move on. A few key words: Partnerships -be careful and lay it all out early. Hiring – be careful and lay it all out early. Outsourcing – be careful and lay it all out early.
6. Feed the beast – Marketing & branding. Not yourself, but your company’s products and / or services. Pick a niche, and announce to the world your amazing expertise and the gifts that you bring to humanity through your new venture. Ideally, this is a well crafted, well thought through game plan for expanding the world’s knowledge of your company. Marketing is the support system for sales. Your carefully branded message, supported by well developed marketing efforts feeds your sales staff, who in turn feed the company. One final note about marketing and branding: the web has introduced a new paradigm to this venue, currently being ignored by many ad agencies and pr firms. The web eliminates, in many cases, the idea of the “integrity of the media”…but the social web reverses that and empowers the people’s message. That means they are definitely going to talk about you online, and that will be perceived by many as “truth”…might as well join in and try to guide or manage the message.
7. The secret to managing people - Many hundreds of millions of dollars are spent (and earned) every year as business owners and managers try to figure out that elusive target of managing others to efficient and profitable performance. Most of these otherwise fantastic books and speakers miss the key point of management…leading by example. Leverage, through technology, capital or people is the easiest way to insure your business can grow or at least sustain as you sip Bahama-Mamas on the beach. You will never be able to leverage people if you do not know how to recruit, train, motivate and lead them (i.e. manage away mediocrity). Truth is…they tire of the speeches, the harassment and the “motivational” ass-kicking. What they really want to know is…WWJD…What Would Jefe Do? Do you come in late and expect your people early? Do you refuse to sell, service, or dig into details? Do you set the right example…nearly all of the time? If you don’t, you should expect them to follow suit. They will do half of what you do when they are duplicating positives and 300% your efforts when duplicating negatives (because that is usually more fun). You better get GOOD at managing others, managing managers, and managing yourself. BTW – when managing others, consider Machiavelli’s book The Prince, which can be summed up with, ‘It is best if one is both loved and feared. Given the difficulty of uniting both in one person, one ought to inspire fear in such a way that, if he does not win love, he at least avoids hatred.’
8. Learning to snorkel – Last year, I snorkeled for the first time on a trip to Belize (stayed at Francis Ford Coppola’s Turtle Inn…awesome). OK Boo-Boo, I may be a little slower than the average bear…because it took me a while to figure out that I had to breathe through this tiny little apparatus, and if I went nuts wearing myself out…the hole never got any bigger for me to suck oxygen through. I had to keep it unobstructed and had to bring it above water every now and then. Cash flow to your business is an awful lot oxygen to a slightly overweight man ten feet under the water…you need it to survive and you better pay close attention to its availability. Recently a restaurant opened close to my office. It was busy, had decent food, and looked like it was going to be successful…then one day it closed down with no notice. Happens every single day, probably the most common destroyer of businesses (especially new businesses)…the owner ran out of money. Some businesses eat money faster as they grow more and more successful. My company, Pop Labs, has a similar financial model. Our cost to provide service is much higher during the first 3-6 months than the cash flow brought in by a new client. Thus, our success eats more cash than the business spins off on new clientele; the more successful we are, the more cash we need. You MUST manage cash flow daily; insure you have enough for your payroll, client services, key vendors, etc. Guess who gets paid last? You. Isn’t being the owner awesome!!

Just two more to go…nine (9) and ten (10) are about your goals and obligations. Leadership ain’t easy, nor is ownership; but when done right…it generates safety and security beyond the simple appearance of a “good job” or good benefits. If you are serious about starting a business…get ready to fight, every day of your life, for a while…because, as Tom Hank’s character said in A League of their Own, “If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. It’s the hard that makes it great.”

The Five W’s (and one H) of SALES. Many a great idea has died a slow and painful death due to no cash to buy food and drink for the human beingswho are building this new enterprise, many an army has lost the war before ever entering battle from a lack of supplies. Business is no different. Cash is oxygen. Cash flow is created through the production of sales. I must admit, this is a subjectI can wax poetic about for a while. Sales can be one of theleast appreciated, albeit oftentimes highestpaid, career paths in existence. Bottom-line though is this, new businesses need to generate cash. Cash can be easily generated from sales. Sales don’t happen by accident though, and they rarely happen virally. They happen through a planned target for customer acquisition and servicing. Thus…Rudyard Kipling’s poem:

I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.

The Five W’s (and one H):

• What are you selling?
• Who willbuy it?
• Why would they buy it?
• How will you sell it?
• Where will they buy it?
• When will you sell it?

You must make a plan for your salesand revenue generation….or you better make a plan on moving back in with Mom and Dad. There is a big reason that many businesses post their first dollar on the wall…because that first dollar is symbolic of something. Not that you will be a millionaire, or that you have all your problems solved (woe ye merry man who doesn’t realize the problems have just begun); rather it symbolizes that you have actually gotten someone to buy your poorly-thought-through, undeveloped, PNQAFAYEIWBASAYGSMC (possibly-not-quite-as-fantastic-as-you-expect-it-will-be-as-soon-as-you-get-some-more-capital)product or service. In other words, “Hot Damn, I sold sumthin!!!” Note: That dollaralso symbolizes hope and dreams and optimism…all crucial.

In summary, you’ve got to make a plan for sales. What will you sell? Will you personally sell it or hire someone? What are the sales growth expectations and how will you fund that plan? What will the product / service generate in short term and long term receivables, are their annuities, what percentage of clients will convert from a prospect to a client, how will you find prospects, what is the sales life cycle (i.e. time to close), how much will you invest in your proposal to a client to buy your product / service, how will you recruit salespeople, what expectations will you manage up front in the buying process, is this product / service profitable enough to justify the sales expense, etc, etc, etc.

Lots and lots of questions you must ask yourself about the sales process, not to mention the service side (profits, costs to provide service, refunds, service personnel, etc.).

A couple last minute points here:

You will likely need to start selling, to generate revenue, before your product / service is “ready” or “perfect”. That is OK. Remember Guy Kawasaki’s Rules for Revolutionaries, Don’t Worry Be Crappy. Remember the next Rule. Don’t Stay Crappy….Release, Release, Release (new versions). I just visited with some Entrepreneurs yesterday who told me what differentiated them from the other products on the marketplace was the fact that they took 2.5 yrs to develop it prior to launch. I leaned over to my co-worker and said…’rich parents’. In the absence of serious early stage funding and rich parents…most Entrepreneurs have to start selling prior to being fully ready.

Price your product / service higher than _______(whatever you were about to price it at). People see more value in higher pried items than in cheap stuff. Witness why you don’t buy most of your friends gifts from the $.99 store, despite the cool wrapping paper and awesome Halloween decorations they have available all year long.

Even if you areThe Greatest Salesman in the World, you will someday get tired,sick, or tired AND sick of selling. The larger your business grows, the more important it is youhave a defined plan for scaled growth that is no longer dependant on your own incredible skills. In other words, avoid thetypicalproblem suffered by most Surgeons…lots of money but no free time to enjoy the cash flow.

So…get cranking. The Five W’s (and one H) are calling. Plan your work…work your plan!!